Flirting 101

Take Charge of Your Love Life

by Roseann Higgins

As a matchmaker/headhunter/agent for the most private, accomplished and friendly single Arizonans, I’ve walked up and introduced myself to thousands of eligible men and women at up to five events a day for the last 14 years. And I’ve gotten every kind of reaction you can imagine, positive and negative.

Today's busy women hire professionals like me to help them find a match because they don't have time to. But if you want to do a little matchmaking for yourself, why not start with a little harmless flirting? At the very least, smiling at a stranger will make his day...and yours.

Successful Flirting
Exuding confidence is the first step to attracting attention. But if you want to direct that confidence into a flirting situation, making direct eye contact is the next step. Then offer a genuine, flirty smile with a glint in your eyes.

Flirting can be a powerful thing, so be sure you are selective with the target of your attention...and start slowly. After all, this is as much about giving your attention as it is about getting it. Today's woman is not one to sit back coyly. It's about taking charge of your own destiny. A smile is universally accepted as a non-threatening, noninvasive form of engagement. It can go from there if you decide to take it to the next level.

Some women end up in relationships simply because they were asked out, but the problem is, the guys who are best at asking may not be the best guys to date. Although the attention is nice, that might be all they have to offer. If you find that’s the case, give them what they deserve—a turn of the heel as you walk away. You're too smart to continue on with a man who offers nothing more than a good approach game.

That's the best part of flirting; it enables you to be in the driver’s seat. If used correctly when you meet someone, it could lead to a fun date or two—maybe even to finding the man of your dreams. Meanwhile, don't lose sight of the fact that flirting should be done with tact, grace and a certain amount of reserve.

It's All in the Approach
To flirt, you need one more trait that may not be thought of as traditionally feminine—being willing to approach a man first or initiate a conversation. Men must risk rejection every time they approach a woman. After interviewing more than 40 men between the ages of 25 and 55, they repeatedly had one request: They wish more women would approach them. That way, they are reassured that the woman is interested. And men admire and appreciate a woman who is direct because it shows her self-confidence.

So where do you find men worthy of your new flirting skills? If you are interested in meeting someone special, there are dozens of opportunities to do so throughout the course of your regular routine. Your perfect match could be standing behind you in line at Starbucks. No matter how much you have on your plate, stop the multitasking for a moment; sometimes it is as simple as paying attention.

So, once you strike up a conversation, what do you say? The biggest key, of course, is to be yourself—no matter what. A relationship is only worth pursuing if the person sees you for who you really are and likes you for you.

Roseann Higgins is President and Founder of S.P.I.E.S. (Single Professional Introductions for the Especially Selective), Women’s Power Lunch, the Entrepreneurs’ Forum and the SPIES Bachelorette Auction to benefit charity.

www.especiallyselective.com

Tools for the Art of Flirting

Your smile. If it comes from your lips and your eyes, men will melt. Often, they need a little sign to know you are interested!

Your femininity. Tossing your hair or crossing your legs make most men take notice.

Your softness and compassion. The feminine tone of your voice and your kind responses can put a man at ease.

Your playfulness and mischievousness. This can be as simple as sending a few fun, sexy texts. However, it has to be genuine. Stay true to yourself and your own definition of playful.

Your sexiness. What defines sexy may differ from man to man. For some, it is the appeal of a woman wearing sweats, a ponytail and a ball cap or even a corporate business suit. But remember, your clothes are just material. Exude your personality. That's sexy.

Your mysteriousness. You don’t have to reveal everything about yourself the first time you talk to someone. Let them do the talking and they’ll be dying to learn more about you, which leads to another date...