The Male Perspective

All He wants for Christmas

Written By Steve Denny

As I’ve gotten older, I have come to understand that a large number of women don’t know how to pick presents for the men in their lives. Women just don’t take the same care buying for men as they do when buying for women. And then you wonder why we go out and buy stuff for ourselves after the holidays.

The thing you need to understand about men and gifts is that it all comes down to specifics. I know, I know… you ask your spouse or boyfriend what you can get him for his birthday, and he’ll respond, “Nothing, I’m good,” or, “Whatever you think.” This tailored response is due to years of a condition called “perfect-present let down.” We’ve been asked what gifts we’ve wanted for years, and we answered but were not heard.

Let me paint you a picture of “specific.” I was 11 years old. My mom, God love her (and I do too), said, “Steven, what would you like for your birthday?” I laid out two perfect presents: a Schwinn Stingray (the coolest of all bikes in my neighborhood) or a 10-speed (not the same type of cool, but the older kids were riding them).

That wonderful day arrived, and there it was ... a Sears 3-speed. Mom said she couldn’t decide between the two I’d asked for, so she picked something “in the middle.” I don’t know if you remember those old Sears 3-speeds – big, black, ugly fenders that went almost all the way to the ground … regular handlebars … old-man seat… pretty much the worst “in between” present an 11-year-old could get. And so the formulation of my theories started: women don’t know how to buy for men.

If a woman is buying a present for another woman – be it a friend, a sister, a mother, a daughter – great thought is put into the gift. It might be the perfect book touching on issues the two have shared, the Gold Canyon candle that is her favorite scent, or a piece of le fleur that matches perfectly with her decorations. You women seem to work hard to give the perfect gifts to one another. It’s not about what it costs; it’s just what is right. Maybe we, men and women, don’t speak or hear each other properly.

Sometimes, I think women just take the easy route when buying for men. Your husband likes to golf, so you get the golf-bag-shaped trash can. The boyfriend likes to fish, so the pen-and-pencil set that looks like fishing poles – or worse, the really ugly, over-gifted fishing hat. Picking gifts that tie into his hobbies is great, but you need to go an extra step. It’s that specific thing again. If your man is a golfer and he goes golfing fairly often, he most likely plays a particular type of golf ball – a Titelist or a Callaway or a Nike. Take a look at one of the golf balls rolling around in the trunk of his car and buy him that brand. Or get him a tee time at a course he may have raved about, or better yet a reservation at Pebble Beach. (While he’s playing one of the greatest courses in the world, you can be at the spa in Carmel … and he won’t even care!)

Here’s another gift hint. Your man has his absolute favorite sports team – the Diamondbacks, the Chicago Bears, the Lakers, whoever. Instead of the easy way out (you know, the jersey, a hat, a coffee mug, been there, got those), try this. Grab a jersey from his closet, go down to a photography studio, and drape it over yourself for some fun pictures. He’ll love it. His woman, half naked, wearing HIS TEAM’S colors ... winner! That gift is going right up on his wall, and he’s telling his buddies about it. Trust me.

Final thought. When I was married and turning 40, my wife gave me a card and mentioned she had thought about getting me a Harley, but she decided it was too much money and said, “Well, it’s the thought that counts.” A few years later, I was divorced and dating a new woman. As her birthday came near, I went and found a beautiful gift box. I sat at my computer and typed out great gift thoughts – diamond earrings, a Coach handbag, a weekend trip to the wine country, and on and on. I cut those into strips of paper, filled the box, and wrapped it up with a note saying, “I love you. It’s the thought that counts.” Man, I haven’t seen her in a long time. I wonder how she’s doing.